I wouldn't be doing you any favors by sugar coating this fact: long-distance relationships (LDRs) are rough. Throw in the fact that you’ve now just graduated from high school and you and all of our friends are about to embark on exciting new journeys in life. Or perhaps you are not an incoming first year, but a second or third year in college, and the narrative of staying with your highschool sweetheart has not and (fortunately) does not seem to be drawing to a close anytime soon. In any case, long distance relationships are incredibly common across the globe, from college students to adults. 

Needless to say, you are not alone in your struggle. However, being in an LDR can feel quite isolating, from being in your own social circle at school to being in the presence of other couples. Here I will be presenting to you a few challenges that come with being in an LDR and a few tips to consider along the way.

Feeling the Need to Update them on Everything in your Life

So you’ve made it to campus and it’s time to move in. What’s the first thing you do? You text your significant other of course! You film a quick tour and pan over your room after you’ve hung up that last photo on your metal wall grid to make sure he/she knows you’ve got a spot reserved just for him/her.

As the days go on, however, it may start to feel difficult keeping up with one another all the time. You don’t want to start letting distance grow, however you don’t want to be trapped in a routine of being on your phone 24/7 either. The reality is, they will not know everything about your campus life and you will not know everything about theirs. But remember, this time in college is yours to claim and to help you grow. Respect that you each have your own lives, and that you don’t need to be updated down the very second of the day. 

Tip: Establish some baseline rules before starting your LDR. Trust that they’ve got your back, just as you’ve got theirs. Communication is key ← (perhaps the most important tip from this article). Long-distance or not, no relationship works without establishing what you want or expect from one another. If you feel the distance coming between you two, make sure that you schedule a set time to call or video chat to talk vulnerably about your feelings. 

School > Relationship

This can be a hard pill to swallow for some, but you are in school for the purposes of learning, earning your degree, and building a better future for yourself, first and foremost. Bringing a relationship into the mix of your studies can be especially difficult when you start realizing that your academic interests and even career paths have begun to diverge. Perhaps your usual study buddy from high school can no longer be your study buddy in college. And for many students, campus organizations and other extracurriculars can certainly eat up a large chunk of time during the day. Between weekly e-board meetings, group project meetings, and classes during the day, scheduling can get tricky.

Tip: Do not be scared of focusing on your education. Your partner should want the best for you, and you for them. If studying for a big test means not talking to your s/o that night, that is perfectly fine. Remember that college is what you make of it. From a future-oriented standpoint, you will want to invest in what your school is offering you now, which is a chance at academic success, leadership roles, and other connections and opportunities along the way. If anything, this is your chance to be your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s cheerleader, being proud of the accomplishments they gain along the way. 

Time Zone Differences

The semester that I studied abroad in Singapore, I was experiencing an LDR with a 12-hour time difference. 12 hours! My morning was his night, and his morning was my night. Assuming a typical sleep time was around 1 or 2 AM (occasionally 3 AM), that left us with just 4-5 hours to talk and catch up during the weekdays. Time differences can make things rough, especially if you are in completely different countries too. Sometimes there are things you want to share with your boy/girlfriend but it doesn’t quite work asynchronously. While social media and tech has made it much easier, sometimes it doesn’t quite feel the same.

Tip: In this case, having a routine can be important and save you from a lot of misunderstandings (like missing a call you completely forgot about). Once both of you have settled into your semester routines and schedules and coordinate waking and sleeping times, you’ll be able to set a time for your nightly calls and/or weekly video chats. But remember, you shouldn't have to feel the need to wait on each other day and night. Send videos and pictures, and anticipate their response later on. Prepare small surprises here and now. These seemingly small gestures can go a long way to make him/her know you’re still caring from a distance.

Jealousy and “Outside Friends”

No one likes overly-jealous boyfriends or girlfriends. Of course jealousy is a natural feeling, long-distance or not. Feelings can get hurt due to miscommunication and cross-campus friend group wars can start… (although maybe this is a bit of a Hollywood movie trope). But you can’t deny the fact that in new environments, he or she will be meeting new and different people. But remember, you are not their keeper. If you are one to worry about meeting new people for fear of forgetting about your current s/o, let me be the one to tell you that both you and your s/o’s mental state would benefit from getting some outside social interaction. 

Tip: It would be a bit overboard to assume every new friend your boy/girlfriend makes is someone to be wary of. Trust your partner to choose his or her own friends wisely. And if some things seem suspicious based on their responses or current social media activity, don’t be afraid to set aside time to communicate. Ask what has been going on. Voice your own concerns and feelings. It would be significantly better to be vocal than suppress jealousy that could very easily turn into anger, misinformed assumptions, and eventually, heartbreak. 

Final Thoughts

It is going to be tough - no doubt about that. But remember that you chose, together, to make it work as best as possible. While schoolwork, stress, friends, campus social life, and many other factors can make it difficult, you’ll have someone to understand you along the way. Remember to maintain the effort from both sides and LDR in college can certainly be a positive experience for both you and your boyfriend or girlfriend.